How Do You Feel About a Spanking NOT Happening? (Club Meeting - 537)

“Nothing quite encourages as does one's first unpunished crime.”- Marquis de Sade

Hello all. Welcome back to The Disciplinary Couple’s Club.  Our weekly gathering of men and women who are in, or would like to be in, a Domestic Discipline relationship.

 

I hope you all had a good week.  Mine was, once again, sedate.  Downright boring.  It’s probably going to be that kind of winter for me, thanks to this extended recovery.  I definitely am going stir crazy.

 

My boredom was exacerbated by our seemingly unchanging weather.  I don’t recall a winter in which we’d gone so long with virtually no snowfall.  We got a dusting a week ago, but even calling it a dusting overstates the accumulation.  As I’ve said (repeatedly) in my most recent post, I really enjoy the holiday season, but the weather in our usually fairly snowy state was putting a damper on the enthusiasm.  Finally, we got a big dump, and as I write this I'm in my cozy living room at our place in the mountains, looking out at a very snowy day with near blizzard conditions at times.

 

The one upside to my generally reduced level of activity is that I’m not doing much to earn my usual holiday-induced corrections over my wife’s knee.  Though, it’s not like I’ve been a Christmas angel.  She’s noted a few instances of disrespectful comments, including a couple that I would probably agree should result in a good spanking, especially in a season that includes consequences for making it onto a naughty list.

 

Hence I was already thinking about the season and owning up to bad behavior and my current physical condition precludes any real disciplinary spanking session for at least a few more weeks.  Anne had even made a couple of passing references to the Krampus legends, which are all about consequences and punishing bad behavior at Christmas time, so maybe it’s on her mind, too.

 

 

That was the mindset I was in when I saw this comment from Ward on the post from a couple of weeks ago:

 

“How do you deal with knowing you deserve a severe spanking because you upset her and complained about her to her face, but she chooses to delay or worse not punish you for it? I hate it in a way! Not getting spanked when it's deserved is worse than getting spanked when you don’t think it's deserved. Don't get me wrong, I hate how much her paddle stings, but I think I hate the guilt more. Maybe I wanted this lifestyle to absolve me not just correct me? She did say I deserved a spanking so maybe it's just delayed to prolong my suffering. Either way this sucks.”

 

I responded that I know that feeling all too well. There have been many, many times over the years that I was feeling guilty and/or felt a strong need to be held accountable.  Often in those circumstances, Anne would tell me I was going to be spanked.

 

Yet, it was all too often the case that it didn’t happen. 

 

Sometimes, it was mostly on her.  She’d get busy and forget.  Or, sometimes she wouldn’t think to punish things that I saw as clearly deserving it.  My recent displays of attitude are a good example.  This time, the lack of correction might be attributable to my physical condition, but the reality is that, for whatever reason, Anne seldom spanks for general attitude for even for disrespect directed at her.

 

 

Unfortunately, I too play a big role in this dynamic. Even when I know I deserve a good, hard spanking, and even when I fully accept I should get one, once it looks like one is actually in the cards, I will say or do something to delay my well-deserved licking; and, delay all too often becomes successful avoidance.

 

I’m sure many of you have experienced the scenario I just described, though it’s a psychological dynamic that I have a hard time explaining rationally.

 

I genuinely don't like being spanked. There is nothing at all about the experience that I enjoy as it is happening. Yet, like Ward, I often have this need, which he calls absolution and that I tend to call accountability. When I've done something that falls below my own standards of behavior or when something I do has some big negative impact on myself or others, part of me craves being held accountable for it. To the point that I’ve felt disappointment, and even resentment, when she doesn't carry through with punishing something that we've agreed should result in strict discipline.

 

Yet, once she does order it, I almost instantly start hoping she will forget all about it, and I will try all sorts of ways to delay it or get out of it. Then, on those occasions when I think I’ve gotten away with avoiding a bad one, if she unexpectedly announces that it’s time for what I’ve known I have coming, and just a few minutes before was disappointed about not getting, instantly I wish there was something I could do to put it off or avoid it altogether!

 

 

It seems to make no sense. The closest situation I can equate it to in my vanilla live might be equate some kinds of physical exercise. I sort of want to do it, and I know it would be good for me. But, when the time comes to head for the gym, I sometimes have a hard time making myself do it. But, if I skip a session, I inevitably feel angry at myself.

 

But, that situation is way less complicated than the psychology around why we both crave and seek to avoid discipline and why we feel resentment when a delay happens even if we genuinely do want to avoid the spanking.

 

We’ve talked about these delay/avoidance impulses many times before, and we’ve talked a lot about our desire for consistency in our DD relationships.  But, I don’t think we’ve talked much about Ward’s specific issue, i.e. how we feel about and deal with the situation in which we know we deserve a spanking, and think we have one coming, yet for whatever reason it doesn’t happen.

 

How do you feel in that situation?  Disappointed?  Resentful?

 

Or, is it more like relief at having avoided something you knew was going to be very unpleasant?

 

Also, when a spanking has been earned and perhaps even ordered, what are the most like reasons that it doesn’t happen?

 

In the past, there were times when Anne simply forgot all about it.  She was a busy woman and lots of other things on her mind, so I shouldn’t have been surprised. There has been a fair amount of progress on this one over the last year.

 

Other times, there is a clear recognition that a rule has been broken, but it seems like her commitment to addressing it is sort of low.  A good example is my bad habit of leaving doors unlocked or not making sure the garage door is closed before I come inside or take off on an errand.  It’s one of her pet peeves, and she agrees she should spank more often for it, yet when she sends me an angry text saying I did it again, it may or may not be accompanied by a spanking threat, and even when it does there often is no follow-through. This happens even though I know she really does get mad when I forget or am careless about the doors; it just doesn't seem to connect sometimes that she has the power to make it stop happening.

Another issue, and one that is on me, is there are times that I feel a need to be held accountable but it’s not clear that she knows I feel that way, in large part because I haven’t told her.  The best example probably is carelessness.  There are times I do something, or fail to do something, and it ends up costing me a bunch of time and money.  I often feel like I should be spanked for those kind of things, both because I do feel a need to be held accountable and also because I think the threat of being spanked would make me pay more attention and be more careful.

 

Yet, although I will sometimes tell her when I’ve done something careless or dumb, I very rarely take the next step and tell her I should be spanked for it.  Why?  Part of it probably is that I keep hoping a much more strict side of her will emerge and that she will start taking up the paddle in some situations without me having to suggest it. Basically, part of my desire for DD is about wanting to give up control, and that desire isn’t served by me controlling my discipline by initiating it like that. 

 

But, there’s also that maddeningly inconsistent, push-pull desire for discipline coupled with an equal and opposite desire to avoid it.  In the end, I just have a very hard time actually asking for discipline even when I deserve it and (kind of, in that moment) want it, or even reporting something in a way that I know will "lock in" getting a spanking for it.

I don’t know if that is what Ward experiences, but one follow-up question I have for him is how clear he has been with his wife in these situations where he knows he deserves to be spanked but she fails to deliver it.  I wonder whether our wives even know that when an ordered spanking doesn't happen what many of us feel is disappointment, not relief?  If I were in their position, I'd probably see relief as the more likely reaction, so maybe we need to make a special effort to explain to them what is really going on inside our heads.  Maybe they even think we appreciate it when they err on the side of leniency, when it's really the opposite?

I feel like there should be some concrete ways to avoid this whole dynamic where we know we need to be punished but it doesn’t happen.  Maybe part of it is simplifying the rules, so there is no confusion about when a spanking has been earned?

 

But, of course, that isn’t wholly consistent with the “anytime for any reason” approach some of us say we want.

 

 

Maybe frequent check-ins and reporting would help? It undoubtedly would, but in my case, it would require more consistency on my part is self-reporting or affirmatively asking to be spanked for something.

 

Ideally, there would be a way for us to encourage our wives to become more strict, but I’m not sure what to do beyond reiterating that strictness is something I want and need.

 

What are your thoughts about all this?

 

I hope you have a good week.  I’m going to spend some of it trying to conjure up some more holiday spirit. Maybe I’ll watch a few Christmas movies, though some of them hit a bit differently now that I’m a cynical adult.

 

Finally, we seem to have lost a couple of our most reliable regulars lately, including Alan who definitely wins the award for most reliable long-term contributor.  I’m not complaining – I just hope everything is OK with him, and with Al who has also been silent for a while.

The Holiday Season and Disciplinary Spankings (The Club - Meeting 536)

“What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.” - Phyllis Diller

Hello all. Welcome back to The Disciplinary Couple’s Club.  Our weekly gathering of men and women who are in, or would like to be in, a Domestic Discipline relationship.

I hope you all had a good week and, for those of you in the U.S., a happy Thanksgiving.  Ours was pretty chill, but not necessarily in a good way.  I’m still laid up and under significant activity constraints. I’m not banned from travel or longer car trips, but it’s not very practical right now either.  One of my siblings had a major surgery the same week I had my less major one. Although I got to see both kids, they work both work in professions in which they have rotating holiday coverage responsibilities.  All that meant no extended family gatherings and only a scaled-down immediate family get-together.

 

Anne and I did get the house mostly decorated for the Christmas season, and I managed to contribute at least a little, while listening to Christmas music. 

 

I started feeling at least a few glimmerings of holiday spirit, even though this one is, in many ways, more challenging than most. 

 

As much as I love this season (and, I really do have a thing for Christmas in general), it does tend to be challenging, doesn’t it?  At least that seems to be the conventional wisdom.  And, despite my love for the season, in the past it is fair to say that it seem to involve concentrated periods of bad behavior, resulting in more spankings than is our norm.

 

For me, it’s definitely not about generalized holiday stress.  As I said, I really like Christmas, including believe it or not, gift shopping, which I know contributes to some people’s stress.

 

 

Back when I was working, holiday parties were a big contributor to my bad behavior.  My firm usually had a big, somewhat swanky, very boozy holiday party. Anne’s workgroup usually had some kind of potluck.  And, work and social friends hosted their own gatherings.

 

It seems like that source of both holiday merriment and holiday stress has really tapered down since with both retired.  To the point that, despite my introverted proclivities and the fact that we’ve never been big party hosters, I’ve been thinking maybe we need to start our own holiday party tradition. Although holiday party season definitely was contributor to both bad behavior and stress, I feel like it’s tapered a little too much.

 

 

Others get in trouble for family arguments, particularly about politics, which seems to be part and parcel of holiday gatherings.  Based on the comments last week, a few of you are already off to a bad start on that score.

 

I’m sure DD couples have different ways of dealing with holiday stress and gatherings and the tendency for some of us to behave worse or let our bad attitudes get the better of us during this season.

 

Although there wasn’t a huge difference, I think Anne did sometimes cut me some slack over the holidays, recognizing that it wasn’t entirely my fault that I’d give into temptation when there was just so much of it around the holidays.  It was also the case that some of the parties where I was most prone to over-indulging were given by her boozy friends.

 

Yet, probably because there were so many opportunities for misbehavior, the number of spankings I received would spike over the holidays and usually go down as I started working on those resolutions in January.  And, Anne’s tolerance definitely knew some limits, and I myself generally recognized that the fact that there were so many temptations probably suggested there should be more strict guardrails, not less.

 

 

There also were a handful of times we experimented with “preventative” spankings during this period.  In the early days of this blog, I wasn’t wild about the whole concept of preventative spankings. I felt like a spanking couldn’t really be about accountability or punishment if it preceded any bad behavior.

 

However, I’ve come around on that point.  I now recognize that preventative spankings do modify our behavior, and that’s really the entire goal of Domestic Discipline.  Also, it’s not like preventative spankings are gratuitous or random.  Rather, they are generally used in situations that have proven, time and time again, to present an elevated risk of bad behavior.

 

 

How do the holidays affect your Domestic Discipline relationship?  Do you misbehave more often?  If so, give us some specifics.  In what specific ways does your behavior deteriorate?  Over-indulging in alcohol?  If so, is it a problem in and of itself, or is it that it encourages you to say or do things you shouldn’t?

 

Or, is it more about general attitude problems than about bad behavior?

 

 

Where is the misbehavior most likely to happen?  Office parties?  Parties with friends?  Family gatherings?  Shopping excursions?  During holiday travel?

 

How are the behavior or attitude problems dealt with?  Are you cut some slack, given that the sheer number of parties and stressors might lead anyone to misbehave more than usual? Or, are the holidays treated with increased strictness and severity? 

 

How would you like them to be dealt with? Do you think your wife should cut you some slack in the name of holiday cheer? Or, do you think she should tighten the reins so you’re less likely to misbehave or let a bad attitude spiral?  From some of the comments last week, it seems like attitude problems do proliferate around the holidays.  What is your wife's approach to generally bad attitude issues during the holidays?  Does she take a tough line, or does attitude in the absence of other bad behavior tend to go unpunished?

Don’t feel confined to this specific set of questions.  Talk to us in general about how the holiday season influences your DD regimen or how you think holiday misbehavior should be dealt with or prevented.  Also, please share any especially memorable holiday fails and the associated discipline you received, or should have received.

 

Have a great week.

Health Update & Tell Us About Your Most Recent Spanking (Club Meeting - 535)

Hello all. Welcome back to The Disciplinary Couple’s Club.  Our weekly gathering of men and women who are in, or would like to be in, a Domestic Discipline relationship.  I hope you all had a great week.

It’s been a difficult, though maybe better than expected, week here.  I let you all know that I might be sidelined from posting while dealing with a medical procedure.  At the time, I thought the problem was likely to be a lack of interest in posting, because every other surgery I’ve had that involved a general anesthetic had a weird side effect of obliterating my interest in all things Domestic Discipline.  This time, that doesn’t seem to have happened.  I came out of the surgery feeling more or less like myself.

 

There is still an impediment to posting anything lengthy, however, which is my very limited ability to use my dominant arm and typing hand.  I know I could use my operating system’s dictation feature to pull something together, but I’m not feeling it.   

 

Honestly, I’m feeling kind of frustrated with being mostly homebound, unable to do lots of simple things easily and medically restricted from doing lots of others. I'm a pretty active guy, and it's been surprisingly hard to spend an entire week doing little more than reading books and bingeing Netflix. And, there will be several weeks of this, followed by a few months of much more limited mobility than I'm used to.  Sigh.

I was originally planning to skip posting entirely for another week, but a while back I’d thought about a simple, concise topic that didn’t require a lot of participation from me, and this seems like an ideal time to use it.

 

The topic is: Tell us about your most recent disciplinary spanking.  Don’t spare us any of the relevant details.  What was the behavior that led to the spanking? Where did it happen?  What implements did she use?  How severe was it?  How long did it last?  What was her demeanor?mDid she lecture you before, during, or after? How did you feel when it was over? 

 

This topic obviously places the impetus on you, the reader, to provide the content.  Hopefully, you will all jump in with lots of comments on each other’s posts.  I’ll jump in where I can, but it really is pretty hard to type right now, so my comments may be briefer than usual.

 

Also, as an aside, I came across a bit of F/m DD-related content I thought I’d pass along.  A few months ago, I flagged some posts on the Spanked2realtears blog on Tumbler that comprised a three-part spanking audio story involving a guy being spanked by his single-mother neighbor.  The author of the Spanked2realtears Tumblr has been doing a lot of AI-generated content lately.  One of his latest is a couple of AI-generated songs with strong F/m DD themes.  You should check them out.

 

I’m not a big fan of AI slop, but AI-generated music is starting to fascinate me.  A few weeks ago, I read an article in The Economist (by far my favorite news source) about a weird music trend that has become explosively popular, involving some very perverted, AI-generated country songs.  One it highlighted was entitled Country Girls Make Do, by an “artist” called Beats By AI. It’s theme is female masturbation, and some of the lyrics—which are entirely AI produced and performed—had me almost falling out of my chair laughing.  I found it on Apple Music, and it’s also on Spotify. Check it out if you have a chance. It is a weird, weird world we are living in. 

Gender Dynamics With Spanking Witnesses and Other Participants (The Club Meeting 534)

“But that intimacy of mutual embarrassment, in which each feels that the other is feeling something, having once existed, its effect is not to be done away with.” - George Eliot

Hello all. Welcome back to The Disciplinary Couple’s Club.  Our weekly gathering of men and women who are in, or would like to be in, a Domestic Discipline relationship.  I hope you all had a great week.

 

Mine was okay.  I haven’t been all that busy, but I feel pressured.  I’m having a “procedure” in a week to take care of an injury I’ve been dealing with for about a year and a half.  It’s not a major surgery, but the recovery period kind of sucks. So, I’ve been frontloading any necessary task that requires physical strength or multiple limbs.  Things like putting holiday lights up on the house weeks ahead of time, since I’m not going to be climbing any ladders for a few months.

 

 

Posting and responding here on the blog also may get a bit rocky for a while. I’m not sure why, but every time I’ve had a general anesthetic, my interest in anything related to DD has evaporated for several weeks.  I’ll try to discipline myself to keep posting even if I’m not in the mood, but I may resort to dusting some old posts off verbatim.

 

This week’s topic is a follow-up from last the last couple of weeks’ discussions about witnessed spankings and friends with spanking benefits. It’s a topic that I suspect may have limited appeal, but I like following up on your topic suggestions, and I do think this one is worth exploring. It involves how we males feel about interacting with each other when it comes to domestic discipline.

It began with this comment from Norton:

 

“As far as others witnessing a spanking, I have no problem with any women friends. However, in order for another guy to be part of it, I would only not care if he was there if he was also a spanked husband.”

 

Alan responded:

 

“Norton's feelings about this are exactly my own. Why we feel that way might be interesting to explore sometime. That he [the witness] was also a spanked husband would be a game changer for me.”

 

In a separate thread, ZM commented on the relationship between his need for spanking and the overarching need for “exercised authority”:

 

But really spankings are just a necessary ingredient in realizing the exercised authority that I really desire (which interestingly enough I also don't appreciate when my wife is exercising her authority, but only before and after).Having said all that, even though it is the exercised authority that I really crave (and not the spanking) it doesn't necessarily have to be my wife, but rather just a female. And for that matter, if the exercised authority is clearly backed up by a credible threat of spanking, it probably wouldn't have to even be a female doing the threatening or the spanking, since I have pretty strong triggers around all this that would quickly kick in.

 

Norton and Alan’s comments recognize that, when it comes to others knowing about, and possibly participating in, our disciplinary spanking relationships (and associated fantasies/dreams), gender matters, as does the status of the witness/participant as a “Top/Disciplinarian” or “bottom/disciplined husband”, for lack of better terms.

 

ZM’s comment also reflects this gender dichotomy and how it relates to our relative needs to experience imposed authority.  In the thread with Norton and Alan, I had added, “This may sound odd, but I'd also be OK with a male witness if he was a dominant in a M/f DD relationship,” which reflects for me that need to experience another’s authority that ZM finds so compelling.

 

What is it about gender that influences how we feel about witnesses and being spanked by others?

 

Why are some of us okay with, and maybe even attracted to, the prospect of being witnessed, or spanked by, a woman other than our wife, but not by a man?

 

And, why in Alan and Norton’s scenarios does the acceptance of a male witness depend on whether he too is a disciplined husband?  Does it matter whether they are getting spanked at the same time, as depicted in this Glenmore drawing?

 

 

I don’t really know the answer to any of these questions, but it does seem like it teases out some our individual attitudes about what exactly is at the root of our interests in spanking discipline and our attitudes toward authority.

 

For me, in order for a spanking to have any sort of emotional power, it needs to feel like it involves, as ZM termed it, “exercised authority”.  There also needs to be a real reason for the imposed discipline. In other words, I need to feel like I’m being spanked for doing something wrong, and I need to feel like the person imposing that accountability is doing so because they have some power or authority over me. 

 

For me, the accountability element is more central than the imposed authority.  I need to feel like I’m being held accountable, to such an extent that if that element is missing, spanking holds no power for me.  But, sometimes I am being spanked for something I feel I need to be held accountable but she doesn’t really care about. In that circumstance, it’s okay but not ideal that I’m the one holding me accountable even if my wife isn’t exactly imposing it on me of her own volition but more just accommodating my need.  But, the ideal scenario remains one in which I’ve done something wrong and she is committed to disciplining me for it, whether I fully agree or not.

 

For me, and apparently for ZM, the gender of the person exercising the authority isn’t central to the experience.  (Though, I’m talking theory here, since I’ve never, as an adult, experienced M/m discipline or a male witness.) ZM noted that what is important for him is that there be authority backed by a credible threat of a spanking. 

 

I agree, and I think that’s why for me, to the extent gender matters at all, an authoritarian male is an emotionally edgy prospect, because the physical ability to exercise authority regardless of my views about it seems higher.   I don't think it's a coincidence that my most vivid spanking dream involved being taken out of a work function to be spanked by a male office manager or that the "woodshed" stories I have such a thing for often involve being spanked by a male.

Also, I think that deep down inside I feel like a male would be more prone to judging both the underlying offense and maybe also judging my status as the spanked party. For me, that would amp up the embarrassment, and part of me gets off on that, again perhaps because the “authority” element is so strong for me. I don't think I have a humiliation kink, but I do think I gravitate toward scenarios that involve strong emotional reactions, including embarrassment.  Those scenarios don't require the prospect of a physical witness but are triggered even by the prospect of someone knowing I am going to get a spanking.  And, yes, while a female friend knowing is embarrassing, a male friend knowing would probably be even more so.

I will let them speak for themselves, but it seems like Alan and Norton’s perspective is almost the opposite of mine. While we all three would be open to being spanked in front of a witness, they seem to prefer the relative absence of a hierarchy between them and the witness/participant. For them, it’s important that any male participant share their status of disciplined husband, while for me that might detract from the emotional power of the scenario.

 

It does seem like Alan and Norton’s gender-dependent openness to witnesses and participants places them firmly in the majority, as reflected in popular spanking art.  I have hundreds of pieces in my collection that include one or more women witnessing a spanking delivered by a woman.  On the other hand, I have very, very few in which there is a male witness, and virtually all of those few involve two or more men being spanked with each other or at the same gathering, as in this other Glenmore drawing.

Though, it’s notable that one of the first DD drawings I ever saw was this one, from the Disciplinary Wives Club, depicting a male surreptitiously witnessing another male’s spanking.  It may be the only one in my entire collection in which there is one male being spanked, being spanked by one woman, with another male watching.

These power dynamics between males were reflected in a story from one of our former commenters, Danielle. Her relationship was more explicitly FLR or D/s than some of ours here, but it’s illustrative of how I think I would feel about a male participant, even though in her story that participation is indirect:

 

I think I have mentioned that Wayne has a cuckold kink. Because of that, I had long term affairs with a couple of men.  I wasn't cheating on my husband. He wanted me to do it. I told both of those men about my FLR with Wayne, including the fact that I spank him.

 

My longest affair was with a guy named Bert. Bert found it hot that I spanked Wayne, and he used to ask me lots of questions about it. He wasn’t submissive like Wayne. I never brought Wayne and Bert together in the bedroom, but I did introduce them, and they got along well. They even played squash together. They also used to go halves on orders of wine at one of those DIY wine making boutiques.

 

Well, one day Wayne and Bert got together to bottle a batch of wine. Bert got angry at Wayne because he had done a poor job pre-washing our bottles. Bert was meticulous about things like that, and he had little patience for shoddy attention to detail. After they had finished the bottling, Bert called me to complain about Wayne’s lousy prewashing job, which had slowed down the bottling operation considerably. He then expressed the wish that I give Wayne a good hard spanking to make sure it wouldn’t happen again. I was more than willing to comply because I had previously spanked Wayne for similar reasons, and I felt a little embarrassed that my husband had shamed himself in Bert’s eyes by doing such a simple job poorly. It was almost like the feeling you get when you receive a call from an irate teacher about your child’s misbehavior. When Wayne got home, I gave him a proper scolding and a sound spanking. It was serious discipline because I really was annoyed, but at the same time I felt somewhat amused to be spanking my husband on behalf of another man. The worst part for Wayne was that after spanking him I made him contact Bert to confirm that he had been spanked and to apologize for his shoddy workmanship. That was embarrassing for Wayne, but his embarrassment later turned to arousal, as it often does. The spanking satisfied Bert's sense of justice, but he confessed that it also turned him on to know he actually had the power to get Wayne spanked.

 

I’ve always reacted strongly to that story, particular to Danielle requiring her husband to call the other man and tell him that his spanking request had been carried out.  (I couldn't find any pics with a man calling someone after his spanking.)

 

In response to some of the comments, Danielle noted that it seemed paradoxical that most men seem less concerned about being spanked in front of a woman, given that we usually want to seem strong and manly in women’s eyes.

 

It does seem paradoxical, especially given that when I was growing up, boys getting spanked together was not all that uncommon.

 

 

I suspect it comes down to men being evolutionarily hardwired to assess where they fit in the pecking order vis-a-vis other men in the pack, as how we match up with other males also affects how the women see us. A man knowing you are spanked would be challenging, given that hierarchical mentality, but perhaps not if both were being spanked together. 

 

 

On the other hand, having to tell a man that you were spanked pursuant to his orders—as Danielle’s husband did—would would be very challenging, as it would settle pretty indisputably that you are under the other guy in the hierarchy.  

 

For many, the ultimate embarrassment probably would be being spanked by another man, as Danielle seems to have contemplated with her husband and Bert.

Though, for me, it is again more about the authority that results in imposed discipline than the gender of the disciplinarian. There is a fictional story by former commenter KD Pierre called Pride (available on The Library of Spanking Fiction website), in which a spanked husband does not get along with his wife's friend. After getting spankings from his wife for arguing with the friend, she gets fed up and orders him to  either apologize or be spanked in front of the friend. He initially intends to apologize, then can't bring himself to do it. So, the wife spanks him in front of the friend, then agrees with the friend’s suggestion that he should be spanked by her as well. The friend takes him to another room and, before spanking him, admits that she’s been goading him into being rude to her in order to get him spanked. She acknowledges it probably seems unfair, but she spanks him anyway, in a conscious effort to both humble him and confirm her elevated place in his hierarchy.

 

That story really got me the first time I read it, and for me, it would work just as well or maybe even better if the friend was a male.

 

Anyway, while I recognize this topic may not appeal to, and may even cause a strong negative reaction, in some of our readers, perhaps it will serve as an opportunity to reflect a bit on why exactly that is.

 

One last thing to mention about these witness scenarios: I had a post a few weeks ago about how Anne didn't react negatively to the possible real life prospect of someone witnessing a spanking by video.  We recently had another conversation about witnesses, in which she said very matter-of-factly that she thought it would be good for me to be spanked in front of a witness.  Although there was no "real life" prospect on the table, she said it so cavalierly, it left me with the impression that she really does see it as something that would humble me, which she almost always see as a good thing.  It left me thinking once again that I need to stop simply assuming that Anne wouldn't be into something and that I need to take more responsibility for why some of these more adventuresome experiences haven't happened.

 

Have a great week.

Friends With (Spanking) Benefits (The Club - Meeting 533)

“A good friend will always stab you in the front.” – Oscar Wilde

Hello all. Welcome back to The Disciplinary Couple’s Club.  Our weekly gathering of men and women who are in, or would like to be in, a Domestic Discipline relationship.  I hope you all had a great week.

 

Between Halloween decorating, a bunch of work around the garage, some community political stuff, and dealing with some family issues, it felt a lot busier and frenetic than it actually was.  So, I’m looking forward to a quiet weekend.  We skipped the Halloween party scene, which probably was a good thing for my mental and physical health, and for my butt.

We’ve been so distracted with various everyday stuff going on, there’s been no follow-up on the subject of last week’s post, i.e. the possibility of a witnessed spanking. But, thanks to those of you who weighed in with opinions or suggestions about it.  

 

One of you, 3pops, got enthused about the possibility of trying to use Zoom or other remote technology to create a virtual version of the DWC.  I am not averse to trying to figure out a way to foster more live communications among the commenters here, so keep the ideas coming.  There were also a couple of people who said they'd like to get together in-person in a very small group, including the possibility of the men getting spanked. Given the surprise Anne gave me when she seemed at least open to the possibility of a witnessed spanking via video, I'm no longer going to just assume she wouldn't be open to something new, and I admit those small-gathering scenarios appeal to me, too . . . food for thought.

Given the distractions this week, I haven’t had a lot of time to think about DD topics.  But, our discussion of witnesses included several references to friends as possible witnesses, or real-life examples of friends we’ve told who support us but don’t really “get it.”

 

It reminded me that I’ve had a topic with a different spin on “friends” on my mind for a while.  It isn’t anything I have any personal experience with, and it wasn’t suggested by any of you.  Rather, it was inspired by this spanking meme I came across a few months ago:

 

 

I’m not sure why, but the scenario depicted in the caption struck a chord.  And, it’s not the first time that I’ve had a positive reaction to a meme that included a reference to being spanked by a friend with whom the recipient is not in a sexual relationship.

 

I think perhaps it has something to do with this combination: the spanker is someone who cares about you, but is at least one step removed from the caring one receives from a spouse.  To me, it creates a scenario in which the spanker is motivated by both caring and a desire to help impose genuine accountability but, because the friend isn’t in a romantic or sexual relationship with the recipient, there is a strong “all business” vibe, which I always find very compelling.

 

Though, I’ve seen similar memes that hint at, or at least leave open the possibility, that there may have been a sexualized relationship in play, possibly even servicing a common kink that arose at an early age.

Here’s another one that I’ve had in my “Christmas” collection.  I had a strong reaction to it the first time I saw it, but until now I couldn’t figure out how to use it in a post.

 

 

As I said, I have no personal experience with being spanked by a non-spouse friend.  I didn’t discover an interest in DD, or spanking in general, until I had been married to Anne for almost a decade.  And, when I was in high school and college, I never got a “spanking vibe” from any of my friends, though I did gravitate toward very strong-willed women as friends. And, some of those relationships were caring and close enough that I could imagine one of them agreeing to a purely platonic spanking arrangement had I been motivated and self-aware enough to ask for it.

 

 

As an adult, I haven’t still haven’t caught a “spanking vibe” from any female friends, with the exception of one younger woman I knew at work whose interactions with her husband at parties suggested some kind of F/m power differential might be in play.

 

I’ve used this meme a couple of times, and it suggests the possibility of a wife’s friend, or perhaps she’s a mutual friend, taking on some disciplinary responsibilities.  Like the other “friend” memes above, this one has always done something for me.

 

 

But, I really have only one close female friend who I’m in regular contact with, and she does happen to be the only friend I’ve told about our DD relationship.  She’s also talked openly with Anne about it on two or three occasions. If something ever happened to Anne and she needed a surrogate, would that friend be someone who might be willing to literally lend a hand to keep me in line?  I kind of doubt it.  Our relationship has none of that power differential vibe, and although she is totally non-judgmental regarding the DD aspects of my relationship with Anne, I also don’t think she has any personal attraction to the idea of putting a man over her knee.  

 

Of course, although everything I've written to this point suggests a female spanker, scenarios involving spanking friends obviously aren't so limited.

So, I have no personal experience with being spanked by a friend, and it’s pretty unlikely to happen in the future.

 

But, many of you discovered your spanking/disciplinary interest much earlier than I did and/or have had more adult spanking adventures than I have. 

 

 I’ll leave the topic open to your individual interpretations, but what role, if any, have friends played in your spanking adventures? Here are a few possible sub-topics to discuss:

 

Have you ever been spanked by a friend you were not in a close romantic relationship with? 

 

Maybe you experimented with spanking or being spanked by a friend in high school or college (or earlier)?

 

If you have been spanked by a friend, how did that come about? Was it a purely platonic friendship, or something more? 

 

Regardless of whether you’ve had such an experience in the past, do the scenarios depicted in the pictures in this post do anything for you?  Is being spanked by a platonic friend hold any attraction to you? 

 

Is there any friend in your life today who you would like to have disciplinary power over you in some form?  This is another meme I really like, as it suggests a relationship between the spanker and the recipient's wife in which the spanker is more than just a surrogate and, instead, has independent authority to both order and deliver a spanking.  Any thoughts on what is going on in this pic? Perhaps a friend who a wife has empowered to take certain matters into her own hands?

 

 

I look forward to hearing whatever thoughts you may have on this topic.

 

Last night was Halloween, and you long-term participants know how much I love that holiday.  I hate seeing it go, but I’ll leave you with this meme I discovered this morning. It reduced my Halloween attraction just a bit.